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Penguin Pants

So the other day I'm getting ready for work and I can't find anything to fit around my distorted body so I decide to break into the maternity clothes. Unfortunately at work we have a dress code, so I picked out a pair of pants I thought had a professional appearance. As I pulled them on I reflected back five years ago and remembered that I had a problem with the length of these pants and most all maternity pants. I was totally elated when the pants were on and they hit an appropriate length with my shoes on. I figured I looked fine and was pleased to find something else I could wear in my diminishing wardrobe. Now for some reason we don't have a full length mirror in our house (weird, I know) so after a quick look in the bathroom mirror I headed off to work.

At work I went about my normal routine and even had an evaluation with my boss before I took a break to the ladies room. Upon leaving the restroom I took a quick glance in the full length mirror and stopped dead in my tracks. I was beyond mortified! The length of the pants looked appropriate. However, the length of the crotch was completely ridiculous as it hit somewhere between my knees and the excess fabric in the hips looked as if I were a mule with saddle bags packed for a ten day trek! I quickly dashed back to my desk and wore my long overcoat for the rest of my shift.

On my way home I called Aaron and warned him that I would be coming home in a pair of pants I borrowed from Dick Van Dyke in the movie Mary Poppins. His reply, "Oh honey, it can't be that bad, I think you're overreacting." But when I walked in the door he took one look and exclaimed, "Wow hon, you weren't kidding!" At least I gave him a good laugh.

I can just imagine the sweat shop workers sewing these pants and instead of singing the words to the camp song, "Do your ears hang low . . ." they sang "Does your crotch hang low, does it wobble to and fro . . ." Seriously, a lot of my body parts are sagging and drooping these days, but my crotch isn't there just yet. I'd like to hang on to any dignity I have left.

Comments

emily said…
please oh please put them back on and take a picture!!!! or at least have aaron try!
January 22, 2009 at 11:36 AM
Anonymous said…
That is so funny...although I am a little dissapointed that you didn't post a picture!!
January 22, 2009 at 12:25 PM
Lane Gang said…
That is hilarious. I used to have a pair when I was prego with Grace. They must have penguins working the sweat shops or something. I agree with the others though, we need a picture to get a better idea of what they look like.
January 22, 2009 at 7:45 PM
Anonymous said…
Due to the fact that I still have a little pride, I've decided not to post a picture, but feel free to photoshop my head over Dick's :)
January 23, 2009 at 7:51 AM
vaughn@helina.bennett said…
thats a funny story. I hate those pants they always slip down
January 24, 2009 at 8:12 PM
THE PARKS: said…
Anne, that's hilarious!! Sounds like a pair I have. I keep having to hike them up and they just insist on sagging down. So I not only have saggy crotch but saggy bumb too. Gotta love the maturnity clothes.
January 25, 2009 at 9:42 PM
Mark and Juli said…
Why no pictures? It was funny just to imagine. I'm sure Aaron can discribe it if he saw it. I'll have to ask him. You made my day. Mark
January 26, 2009 at 8:42 PM
Telle said…
I am telling you belly bands are the way to go! They have totally saved me and my wardrobe during this pregnancy! P.S. I need to schedule a hair chop off! It is making me crazy....well crazier than I already was.
January 29, 2009 at 11:39 AM
tonyandalli said…
Umm, I think I have the same pair. I bet you look hotter than me though. And hotter than Dick.
February 5, 2009 at 6:45 PM
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